Today was the first day of the study at P31 OBS, 5 Habits of a Women Who Doesn’t Quit by Nicki Koziarz. I’m a volunteer with P31 OBS and so I had known for months this was going to be our next study. I was so excited, because just like Nicki states in the very first chapter she is a quitter, I am to. But we are not going to have a Quitter’s Pageant or Sing Off or Reality Show with it.
I began reading the book several weeks ago on Kindle to get ahead. But I like really diving deep once the study starts with others. To me, I feel more alive and receive more of a blessing from it. If you are wondering what I’m talking about, please go to this Link to learn more.
Now onto the rest of the story.
I attended Stewarts Chapel church on Sunday morning, because I knew revival started featuring Jennifer Koystal (here is her link to learn more about her). I have 2 words for Sunday morning service.
Reviving & Refining.
I also went back that night to hear her again. I plan on attending every night through Wednesday – I’m not quitting!
The reason for this blog post is God must have some plans for me between this study and this revival. Now I had read some of the book, so in the back of my mind I already knew quite a bit and God had been working on me some.
But after the Sunday morning service I realized why I had quit my health condition – Rheumatoid Arthritis. It wasn’t because I was diagnosed at such a young age or 38. It wasn’t because the doctor I started going to at first was not any good. It wasn’t because of everything I had read on the internet. It wasn’t because 3 weeks before I turned 40, the doctor took me out of work. It wasn’t because I knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to do anything important anymore. It wasn’t because I thought my days of being normal was over. It wasn’t because I couldn’t do half the things I used to do. It wasn’t because of the pain. It wasn’t because every medicine seemed to make me sick so why keep trying. It wasn’t because now I was able to see and spend more time with my family because I wasn’t working so much everyday. It wasn’t because I enjoyed being able to be at my son’s events.
Even though every one of these things are true and I thought every single one of them, that was not what caused me to stop my health condition.
Now, I’m sure you are wondering, she has a blog. She talks about God. She goes to church (maybe not every Sunday like I should). She posts verses of the Bible. She volunteers for a Christian organization – Proverbs 31 OBS. She was raised in a Christian home. She is saved by the blood of Jesus. She has been baptized. She is not supposed to admit things like this in public. What will her friends and family think when she admits all these things?
I thought I was doing all the right things. But I learned something yesterday morning! I was not doing one thing. There was one thing I might have been saying, but actually doing it with my heart and soul was not happening. There was one thing I was good at telling others to do, but I was horrible at doing myself. There was one thing I had heard all my life, but had not really accepted it. There was one word that could really refine me if I would let it.
Sunday night during the service I “ACCEPTED THE ASSIGNMENT OF REFINEMENT”!
You are probably screaming, “Spill the beans. Tell me.” But see I’m going to make you wait a moment. I want you to see what I did wrong first.
I’ve suffered with this disease for many years now, even years before I realized it. I have gone to the doctors. I have read countless websites about it. I have tried everything I could. I have been in pain, sick, and depressed. I have told everyone that asked me about it. I have told them with a smile on my face, “It could be worse.” I have told myself it is what it is and nothing will ever change.
I was about to say I prayed about it and I did. I was about to say I went to the altar and gave it to God and I did. I may have prayed about it and I may have gone to the altar about it but there is one thing I truly did not do.
I HAD FEAR, DOUBT AND NO TRUST IN GOD REALLY!
- I DID NOT TRUST GOD THAT HE IS THE GREAT HEALER – JEHOVAH RAPHA! HE CAN HEAL!!!!
- I DID NOT TRUST THAT HE COULD USE THIS TO DO SOMETHING MARVELOUS FOR HIS KINGDOM NOT FOR ME!!!!
- I DID NOT TRUST HIM THAT THIS WAS HIS PLANS!!!!
- I DID NOT TRUST THAT IF HE HEALED ME, I WOULD BE ABLE TO FIND WORK AGAIN AND PROVIDE FOR MY FAMILY!!!!
- I DID NOT TRUST THAT IF HE HEALED ME, I WOULD BE ABLE TO STILL DO THESE THINGS I HAVE HAD THE CHANCE TO DO SINCE I’VE BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR MY FAMILY AND MYSELF!!!!!
- I DID NOT TRUST HIM TO SHOW ME THE NEXT STEPS IN MY LIFE BECAUSE IT WANTED TO DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO WHICH WASN’T MUCH WITH THE PAIN!!!!
- I DID NOT TRUST HIM THAT I AM ABLE TO WRITE, SPEAK, OR DO WHATEVER HE WANTS ME TO IN HIS POWER AND WITH HIS SPIRIT!!!!!
- I DID NOT TRUST HIM!!!!
Now that is hard to admit. That is hard for me to put out here for everyone to read and hear. It is hard for me to admit even though I say I’m a Christian, I’m volunteering for a Christian organization, I’m trying to look good for everyone, and I’m trying to be a shining light to others around me.
But last night I did it. I stood up. I trusted God. I had anointed hands laid on me. I open my heart and accepted it. I TRUSTED WITHOUT A DOUBT HE COULD HEAL. I knew if He healed me, He would provide. Now I didn’t go into all this explanation to everyone, but I did with God.
I ACCEPTED BY ASSIGNMENT FOR REFINEMENT!!
He wanted me to change. He wanted me to accept Him. He wanted me to really love Him. He wanted me to really trust Him.
Now, I can’t say for sure that I do not have RA anymore – even though I would love to. I can’t say I didn’t wake up this morning in some pain.
But I can say with all my heart and all my soul, I TRUST HIM! I know that if He heals me, He will provide for me. I know if He provides for me, He will heal me. I know that whatever His plans are for me are better than my plans.
And guess what, I know that I do feel better this morning.
I’m not just typing or saying these words, I’M BELIEVING THESE WORDS FROM NOW ON. Now people may say she is crazy. She is loud. She has lost her mind. She is just doing this for show.
Say what you want – I don’t care! I would rather be crazy, loud, and act like I have lost my mind with Jesus than worry about what others say or think!
I know the devil is going to prowl after me more now. But it’s okay. He has prowled around me for a long time and I have let what he said become true in my heart instead of letting God’s Word yell louder and be true in my heart.
But no more. You better step back devil. When this red head gets serious, there is no one that can hold her down.
Before I left last night, several people prayed the medicine I usually take on Sunday that makes me sick and feel bad wouldn’t.
I CLAIMED IT!
I came home and as I was putting those 6 little tablets in my mouth, I was praying.
I woke up this morning, yes tired. I got everyone out of the house. I started my time with God. And that devil thought he was going to bring some nausea and stuff on me. But again, I CLAIMED IT!
I told the devil he better step on back. There is no room for him in this house or in my life.
I’m going to be writing and posting scripture all over my house. My husband and son may call me crazy but it’s okay. I’ve been called crazy before but at least this time it is worth it!!! It’s a good crazy if there is such a thing.
I’m starting my life with Christ over today! You can say I’m rededicating my life to God and in a sense I am. I have always believed in God. I did accept God into my heart. I did publicly profess Him as my Lord and Savior. I have been baptized in the water.
None of that has changed.
What is changing is I’m believing and trusting Him with everything in my mind, heart, soul and action. I’m not just going to fake it or only trust Him with certain things or give it to Him and take it back.
I’m going to do it! I’m not quitting when things get tough. I’m not quitting on things I don’t think He can do. I’m not quitting on myself.
I can still be a wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, and volunteer. I can still be anything I want to be but I’m trusting God to be what He wants me to be!
I have trusted God before and He came through but how soon we forget what He can do for us?
Last September God touched my heart and I did something I had been praying about for over a year. I had written it down during a retreat. I had kept thinking and praying about it. I kept telling God I was going to do it, but never did. I kept making excuses and didn’t do. But one day, Jesus put me on my floor in my room and I wept like a baby. I sent a text to a trusted friend to please pray for me. I knew God was working on me and refining me in that moment. I knew then it was time to Trust and Believe.
So I did it and guess what, God did show up. Doing what I did was nothing like the devil had told me it would be. Doing it made my life so much happier and free. Doing it was exactly what God wanted me to do.
So why didn’t I do that with my health last September. I’m not sure but I see it in the bible with others over and over. It must be human nature. I just know that I have decided now to trust Him and Believe Him with my health and that He Can Heal.
I HAVE CLAIMED IT AND ACCEPTED IT!!!!
What is God trying to refine in you?
Will you decide today to “TRUST GOD?!” REALLY TRUST GOD!
I may be the only Christian that feels this way, but I honestly think there is a lot of people out there that is and was just like me.
It’s time to CLAIM IT!
It’s time to GET THAT DEVIL OUT OF YOUR HOUSE, MARRIAGE, HEALTH, FINANCE, CHILDREN!
It’s time to START LIVING THE WAY GOD WANTS YOU TO!
MY LIFE VERSE THAT I HAD BEEN SEARCHING FOR IS REVEALED TO ME!